Tanya Semerad 0:00
Hi
Tanya Semerad 0:08
I'm Tanya Semerad, former lawyer and business leader turned coach and you're listening to high performance made simple, the show for people who want more clarity, influence and wellbeing. So you can live and lead more courageously unlock your full potential, and inspire others to do the same. Let's do this.
Tanya Semerad 0:49
Hello, my friend, I'm so happy you're here, because I'm going to give you a technique that will help you change your thoughts and change them quickly from negative disempowering thoughts, to more positive, empowering thoughts in the heat of the moment. The best part about this technique is that you can do it privately in the space of your own mind, anywhere, anytime, to make the most of the moment you're in to make the most of the conversation you're having, or the opportunity before it passes you by you can do it while you're pep talking yourself in the bathroom, you can do it in the boardroom, you could even do it in the bedroom, and no one will know they'll just get this fully present dialed in confident, high impact person. And who doesn't want to be high impact in the bed in the boardroom? You know what I'm saying? Who doesn't want to be high impact there, I made this bonus episode, especially for people who have done the self clarity work in episode two. So if you don't know who you are, you don't know who the best of you is. And you don't know who you need to become to level up. Then give Episode Two a listen. Because we'll work through those areas together. I'm with you on this journey. Because remember that clarity doesn't just happen once in your life, and then you're clear and confident and on path for the rest of your life. Say you got clear 10 years ago, that was a major moment, a major milestone, and you've been working head down with that clarity since then. That's fine. But chances are things have changed. Look around you. You're the same person. Are you in the same place? Do you have the same people? Are they the same? Even if you got clear, say six months ago, chances are, you've had some stuff happen. You're not exactly the same person. And the world isn't the same person either. That is for sure. So we have to adjust to level up. So I say this, I'm going to say it again. I want you to think of clarity as jewels, collectable jewels, and the more of these beautiful jewels that you collect. The more clarity you get. The more you understand yourself, the more you understand what you want, the more you understand how you want to live, this life, this one life that we get. So I'll assume from now that you've got some clarity drills in your hot little hand, you've got a good idea of which thoughts need to change, and which thoughts you want to change them to, in order to level up. And when I say level up, I'm talking about getting more progress faster. I'm talking about getting more meaning going deep in your life. And I'm talking about having more fun to having more joy along the way. So here you are doing the work. Maybe you find yourself in your day doing the work, maybe you're working, you're having different conversations with different people. Maybe you even feel a little bit smug about having done the work, I see that little smile. Yes. But instead of this changing your thoughts then being easy. You realize that you're more or less thinking like you used to, especially when you go back into the same environments, the same types of conversations and maybe the same types of people who trigger you. And so you're thinking those outdated thoughts that you said, you want to change, a bit like my league can't stop won't stop. So your outdated thoughts, they're really putting up a good argument for staying. So instead of acting on your more positive, upgraded, supportive, empowered thinking, you're missing key moments again, to speak up to really shine or maximize what's in front of you. Because you're being slowed down. You're hesitating. You're being slowed down by doubt, self doubt, and the old thought wins again. And to make matters worse, I know the mental loop start to play again. Start to play about the missed opportunity or the embarrassment that you felt and everything just compounds you feel even worse. I see you, too. Before we continue, I just want to take a hot moment to recognize you. Why? Well many reasons. But the ones that I know of not many people do this work, they don't get clarity about themselves and they don't do it recently, let alone get to this level of self observation. And they sure as heck don't stay in growth mode long enough to shoot up past the awkward growth phase. Know the growth spurt phase that really awkward phase. Air starts going around, didn't you see your old gangly, maybe got pimples? It's awkward, but you're here. Even when your voice drops and breaks. You're here, aren't you? You are present with me. You're growing. So by the end of this episode, you will have a new technique to show for it to so I call it the substitute player technique, SPT or just Sub Player. Here's the backstory. I was a girly girl growing up who loved Hello Kitty. So cute. I had the best Hello Kitty pencil case and lunchbox ever Thank you, mom. But I was stuck in a Tom boy's body going up. I have to be real I was. I'm pretty sure I've been this height five foot six since I was 12. And that was not very much fun going up, especially in the boy department. Let me tell you, I was standing head and shoulders above the guys standing out like a sore thumb, you know, had frizzy hair. Yes, I had those pimples. I hit puberty quite early. It was really weird. But a very helpful very helpful for sports, especially tennis and basketball. I loved playing tennis with my dad when he wasn't working, which was a lot. But he managed to hit the ball over the net a few times. And let's face it, they were probably quite happy my parents because the boys were kept away so I could focus on my sport. Always trying to see the positive over here. So my parents believed that keeping the kids busy with sport would keep us out of trouble. And they write you know, they even got more than they bargained for because I've got two brothers, they're twins. And both of them became Professional Bowlers professional basketball players. Incredible. So shout out to my brothers David and Anthony Simrad. The Twin Towers starting at a tall six foot six, us Toll dog and handsome they have six pack tattoos. Their Triple Threat players, they are beautiful to watch on the court, that explosive mobility gliding through the air, that kind of ankle breaking, dunking machinery. They also model underwear on the side when they feel like it. I hope that sounds proud and not pervy, because I feel proud, not the other thing. So anyway, when I was thinking about how to describe this high performance tactic, the substitute player technique was perfect. So let's see it in action. Why don't we close your eyes if it's safe? Now, imagine you're watching a basketball game. There they are 10 big players. You see the twins there as well. They're running around on that rectangular cord. The lights are pretty bright, but you're keeping your eyes on the ball, watching as it's thrown around and caught by different hands bounced past bounced again, as kind of a rhythm to it. Bounce pass, bounce, bounce pass, plays, they're running in all directions. They're trying to get closer to the ring. There's that squeaking of rubber shoes as they go on about the court. Can you see it? Now hone in on one player. He catches the ball squares up to the rink takes a shot, you hold your breath. But it smacks the backboard and it's a huge mess. Damn, he tries to run in for the rebound. He's not fast enough. Another player has the angle. Luckily, a teammate gets the ball back is passed around again. And then someone passes your player the ball and instead of catching it, it slips right through his fingers by the fingers that he's running down the court playing defense trying to steal the ball back. But he found someone who said sure, the call was borderline but the ref is having an absolute Field Day. It goes on for what feels like years he's having an absolute shocker is teammates, they look disappointed. And the other team, they're scoring more and more points. They're well in the lead and now you're getting frustrated. Something needs to change. But what suddenly the coach throws his clipboard to the ground. That's a huge clash. He's ignores for a substitution. He calls out to a player sitting on the bench and asks them to change places with the player having a bad run. Pause this this is This sub player move this is it here, okay play. So the tired underperforming player starts to run off the court and is substituted for a fresh pair of legs, a new player who is clear on the flow of the game they've been watching, and they know exactly who they need to be to close the gap on the scoreboard and actually start winning. Yes, they're playing intense defense, they're wrapped up in faces stealing the ball assisting teammates, even getting some of their own points up on the board, how nice. Everything changes, is new player comes with new ideas, new energy, new movement,
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there's new hope on the teammates faces. The ball is passed around with more precision, intention more fire, people are working together, this ship is turning around, your team is scoring more and more and more points stealing the ball back over and over again. And with each score, there's a new level of confidence there cheering, the posture is straighter, there's an excitement in the air, the crowd is going wild.
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Their dreams of winning can and are coming true. They're in the league. Now. They can do this, they are good enough. My friend, you can open your eyes if he had closed them. Now I want you to think of the players as your thoughts. Many individual thoughts running around trying their best. But you notice one or two thoughts keep dropping the ball. They're bumping into the other players, they're letting down the team. So what you do next? Well you stub them out, you select a new thought that is sitting on the bench or ready to go to replace the underperforming ones. And the best part there is absolutely no need to analyze, criticize, or hypothesize about why the underperforming thought was even there in the first place. You just call them out and give them a high five as they come off the court. Thanks, mate. No judgment, no anger, no frustration, you simply notice them and substitute them for a more energizing high performing thought that's ready to go. You get it now, don't you? The substitute player technique is sub them out. And now you can start to see three clear steps formulating here, the three steps that we've talked about to quickly change your thoughts are one, having clarity of the negative thought you need to change to having clarity of the positive thought that you need ready to get up and go. And three, substituting the negative thought without judgment, just doing it. Just getting it done. Now there is a fourth step that happens after the sub. You got to play ball. You got to get on the court, my friend, you got to put yourself out there work hard, get a bit sweaty, yes, you're going to take action from this new thought in order to integrate it into your day and integrate it into your identity. This becomes part of who you are. Now this is a measure of growth. And it's an exercise that separates high performers from everybody else who is busy overthinking things under estimating themselves hiding under the duvet of doubt. So what might this Sub Player technique look like for you? Let's practice with me. So first, that negative thought a negative thought of mine. Let's face it, I have many is that I'm ugly? Yeah. I see myself as that big on attractive, unwanted 12 year old and I need to change it because it's actually creating a habit of me sabotaging my intimate relationships. I'm real with you here. I hope you're being real with yourself too. Yep. So a positive thought that I want to change it to is that I'm not 12 anymore. I'm mid 30s. And sure as heck aren't the same person I was when I made that decision about being big and unwanted. If anything, I've gone the opposite way. I've been acting like a small attractive wanting man. So what I want to think is that I have a great size. I'm attractive and I'm so many good qualities that are wanted and most of all wanted by me. Short version of that thought. I'm great. I'm attractive. I'm wanted. The third step is ice See the sub happening in the moment. And I don't mind, I just sub, the negative player runs off the court, my positive player runs on the court. And then I take action on that positive substitution. So instead of saying something from that fear based thought that I'm unattractive, whatever, I say something that is way more confident, that is way more attractive about myself, I carry myself differently. My shoulders are rolled back more, my chin is more level, I'm making more eye contact, I love eye contact. So I'm acting from that instead of the roll down, shoulders, eyes down, looking for lawn, looking at attractive. I mean, that's not attractive, is it? So then I'm physically changed with this new thought it is so incredible. This is how powerful it is. What's another example? Another example is, okay, here's the fear thought, I'm afraid that people will think I'm dumb. So I avoid putting my thoughts out there. I don't want to be humiliated. The positive thought that I want to substitute in is that I'm always learning new stuff. And I've got so many good ideas and great life experiences. That actually helps people. And I've got proof of that. The third step, I see this substitution happening. One's running off, the court positive is running on the court, and I don't judge it. Then I take the next positive step. I play a ball, I get sweaty, I started making the episode. I'm writing like Slim Shady at night time, figuring out how I'm gonna get this stuff out of my brain and onto the airwaves. Yes, that is what I did. On the same day. On the very same day, I made that substitution. I got out my pen, and I started writing the episode. This is how it works at to book that time in my diary, because otherwise I would have just done something else. So when the notification flashed up on my phone, right, episode one, I was like, Oh, damn, there you are. Okay, here we go. I'm just gonna start writing pen to paper, let the ink flow. I do want to say that judgment does creep in sometimes it is part of our humanity, if you like a symptom of being human. And it is most loud, when I realize how much time I've wasted, doubting myself. So then I have to release that negative thought and substituted for a more positive one, that I'm ready now that I've got things I can share now that I can really help people now. So more practice notes, here we go. Sometimes your sub outs can come running back on the court, you've made the mental change, the substitution happened, that maybe they're a veteran thought player, they've been there for years. They're part of the furniture love, and they insist on playing ball. Maybe they even say things like, how dare you? I am you, I own you. They're gonna say some wild stuff, my friend, no one likes change. And that's okay. You've been running those thoughts for so long, it could very well feel wrong to sub them out. They become who you are, in a way. So now you're feeling disloyal to the person you've always been. It's gonna feel wrong to let someone you in. But you know, it's for the best because you remember why this is important to you. Why you want to go to the next level, what progress means to you and your family, how good it feels to have more meaning and have more fun in life. So I say, expect the opposition, expect opposition and keep substituting the underperforming self sabotaging main thoughts over and over and over again until your new players have had long enough to prove themselves to get a few wins going to get those runs up on the board. That will turn the volume down on the underperforming thoughts. You've subbed out. It won't quiet them all together. That's part of human nature. And that's okay too. In fact, noticing the negativity but not acting on it is downright self mastery level and this is why we're here. Now you know, so keep subbing my friend, you've got this your challenge should you wish to accept it is to bring the sub play a technique into your day starting now. Call out the doubt about this technique even working and then call on the sub player that's says, I've made lots of things work. This is just another one of them. I'm making work for me. Yeah, Here are more examples of some negative thoughts that might crop up. I'm not good enough. They get subbed for I am good enough. I'm not as successful as the people in this meeting. So why don't I reel off all my accomplishments to even now the power of it, that gets subbed for I know my worth, this meeting isn't even about me, it's about serving our people better. So I'm going to speak from that position. The thought that says, I don't deserve to be here, gets subbed, or I've got real value to give. And I share my ideas for really, maybe just takes a bit more preparation. So you know what, before the next meeting, I'm going to take some proper time to prepare, so I can get my players running onto that court. The thought that says, I'm
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just unlucky in love, maybe I'm not meant to be with anyone. Maybe I'm meant to be alone. That thought gets subbed out for I Am Love. The proof is that I have a heart that is beating blood all around my body, warming me up. Warmth is love. Love is good, and I've got so much love to give. And I'm open now to receiving love. My friend, this is how you get off the thought train that is headed for loneliness, frustration, self loathing, self doubt, friction, unnecessary friction, and get on to that confident, courageous, happier, fun train surrounded by people who want to see you shine. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoy this episode. And if you'd like to sub the high performance made simple podcast into your playlist. See what I did there. I'll give my pom poms a swish, swish, maybe even my skirt of lick. Please tell three awesome people in your life about this episode. And to catch the latest from me. You can join me on LinkedIn at Tanya Semerad and Instagram at Tanya underscore highperformance. I look forward to tuning in with you again soon. Ciao for now.
